why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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