Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
