It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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