So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
