My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize