I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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