Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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