# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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