she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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