she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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