Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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