I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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