Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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