Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
