the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
