a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
