first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
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How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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