Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
