i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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