Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
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i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
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Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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