I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I love having hate sex.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
