this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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