he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
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I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
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Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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