Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
