her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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