I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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