Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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