At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You may now shotgun with the bride
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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