wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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