I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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