You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
