i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
