I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
