What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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