FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
