From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
