ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
