She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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