she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have surprise drugs for everyone
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
