I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
