There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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