worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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