You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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