$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
someone owes me an orgasm
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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