So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
