You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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