Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
