i was born a porn star she said
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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