maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
