she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
