how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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