Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
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"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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