I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
