drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm like, not good at living.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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