Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
