when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
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You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
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Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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