How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
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My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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