You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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