ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
